I have found that almost every time I meet someone new, there are about four or five reoccurring questions that come up during the conversation:
“What’s your name?”
“What city are you from?”
“What school did you go to school?”
“What do you do?”
(And sometimes) “What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
Variations of these questions are so routine in introductory conversations that they are almost comical. In fact, I have even turned it into a bit in some of my sermons and presentations (“SIT” and “INVITATION”).
I first noticed this pattern of questioning my junior year of college, during my first year at William Jessup University. Almost every time I met someone new, whether it was a fellow student or faculty member, the questions were the same:
“What’s your name?”
“What city are you from?”
“What school did you go to (before this)?”
“What’s your major?” (Essentially, “What do you want to do?”)
“What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
As I met new people, I would both answer these question and reciprocate them. If my new acquaintance and I had a commonality in our answers, we might briefly discuss it. If not, one of us would offer a cordial “Nice to meet you” before repeating the pattern with someone else.
“What’s your name?”
“What city are you from?”
“What school did you go to before this?”
“What’s your major?”
“What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
I wasn’t the only person who picked up on the pattern One student I met wouldn’t even repeat the question. She’d simply say, “Same to you” after answering.
After a while, I felt like an actor reciting lines; each new acquaintance was a different take.
Them: “What’s your name?”
Me: “My name is Nick.”
Them: “What city are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Antioch, CA.”
Them: “What school did you go to before this?”
Me: I transferred from San Joaquin Delta College in Stockton, CA.
Them: “What’s your major?”
Me: “I’m a Christian Leadership major.”
Them: “What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
Me: “I’m the oldest of 8 kids.”
After a while, I got really good at answering these questions. So much so, that I could add something funny or interesting to each answer.
Them: “What’s your name?”
Me: “My name is Nick. My parents named me after the youngest child from the TV Show Eight is Enough” (1977-1981). “After you hear my fun fact, you’ll see how ironic it is.”
Them: “What city are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Antioch, CA. It’s the city in the Bible where disciples were first called Christians” (Act 11:26).
Them: “What school did you go to before this?”
Me: “I transferred from San Joaquin Delta College in Stockton, CA. I had a couple of my essays published while I was there.”
Them: “What’s your major?”
Me: “I’m a Christian Leadership major. I’m focusing on pastoral ministry.”
Them: “What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
Me: “I’m the oldest of 8 kids. So, I already have many years of leadership experience.”
The intent of these questions and the conversations that followed were to help students get to know each other. However, despite my fellow students knowing things about me, these early interactions didn’t help me feel known.
—
Fast-forward one year.
When I returned to Jessup for my senior year, I pretty much stuck to the script when I met someone new.
“What’s your name?”
“What city are you from?”
“What school did you go to before this?”
“What’s your major?”
“What’s a fun fact about yourself?”
However, after going through the usual questions, I decided to improvise a little bit.
“So, you said your major is ________…” I’d begin. “Why did you decide to study that?”
I’d often get this response:
First, they would pause…
Then they would light up…
From there, they would tell me a story.
They would tell me about a struggle they overcame, a dream they had, or a mentor they looked up to. In each of these stories, I would hear about what influenced, excited, and inspired them. Their stories didn’t just teach me facts about them. Through their stories, I learned what made them tick; I learned their why.
—
One of my favorite leadership books is Start With Why. In this book, author and optimist, Simon Sinek writes, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” This is also the thesis of his popular TED Talk. Essentially, Sinek is arguing that why you do what you do is so much more interesting than what you actually do.
“Why” is a better question than “what?”
“What” expects an answer.
“Why” invites a story.
—
So what’s your why?
Why do you study what you study?
Why do you work where you work?
Why do you love who you love?
Nick Chellsen 